Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Dilemma

I have a dilemma...
Leave a lethal amount of pills home or take them with me wherever I go? It is an ongoing debate for me over the course of the last couple days.

You see, when I had the crisis at the park recently it was somewhat shocking to me that I ended up "on the edge of the ledge" so quickly. I'm not sure I'd be here typing had that stranger not walked into my path. I had been able to leave the pills at home following that crisis but now the urge to keep them in my possession is back. The mind just battles back and forth on it.

I realized today that if I make it to this appointment day of the 26th - why will I need a psychiatrist's help? That would mean that somehow I have survived this hell for 4 weeks on my own, with just you - my Cyberspace lifeline.

Going It Alone

I had heard somewhere of a seriously depressed person who came out of their fog on a simple walk. They plodded along in their mental darkness when in crossing over from one street to the next - the lights came on. Their depression... gone - just in reaching the other side of the road.
I decided to try a walk last evening. I wanted so much to have the same result. I however, came home just as I had left.
Still I wait - 13 days until someone might tell me how I might find my way out of this.
My young son in the mean time - can't figure out where his mother went.

I know I thought it great just that you are out there Cyberspace but I have another favor to ask of you.
If you pray....please pray for me. I don't want this.