Friday, October 16, 2009

Wake Me Up When This Is Over

It's only 6:00 in the evening with the whole night ahead of me. Most of you are probably so happy to have all these Friday night hours ahead of you. I simply dread them. I have discovered over the course of the past week or so that there is no place to run to. Sometimes I think....there must somewhere I can go to get me out of this darkness. So many different places come to mind but no matter the change of scenery I am still disconnected from everything around me....still stuck with this emotional amnesia. A body just taking up space.

My young son is out with friends until late tonight which is great for him. Being around his mom is the last thing he needs. Lately, I reason that the mom he knows has pretty much vanished. He is old enough to know it and I'm powerless to help him. It isn't unreasonable to say that he'd almost be better off were I not here at all.

Lifeline tells me that children count as a positive safety factor for those in my kind of hell. I suppose that means I am in for a terribly long night.